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DW probably spent that time wondering where her DW was, why he was checked out, why something seemed lacking in how you were relating to. Now you need to put far more effort into your DW with honest, straight-forward action.
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Individual therapy immediately, with hopes of bringing her into couples therapy as as she is willing. Eventually your wife have a decision to Clean fun attractive fwb relationship. Worse, she stay, but hold your past as leverage against you, throwing it in your face in the heat of every argument?
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That won't work. So understand that all you can do now is work on YOU. You're owning your mistakes. That's good.
Books are great, too, but going for therapy shows you mean business. She needs to something really big right now, because what happened was big.
I think you can do it. Good luck. That way you be eligible to stay on her employer provided health insurance.
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I say because recently some empoyers ie PGE have elminated coverage for spouses once there is a Judgment of Legal Separation or Dissolution. She can't commit to an employer continuing to provide the health insurance for you that is a contractual condition between employer and insurance company.
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